The Dark Tower should feel like The Fellowship of the Ring. A movie where you’ve become so engaged in the story that you’re surprised when the end of the movie suddenly cuts it off, and you immediately want to return to Middle-Earth and follow more of the main characters’ adventures. The Dark Tower doesn’t feel like that at all. It takes King’s massive, mind-bending ideas and whittles them down into a small pill. (The movie runs about 90 minutes.) It’s easy enough to swallow, but it has no effect on you, for good or ill.
If this were something other than an adaptation of Stephen King’s most staggering work, maybe The Dark Tower would be more forgivable. Remove its cultural cache and fandom and all the other material you know exists, and this is a passable Hollywood fantasy action film totally worth your $15. But that’s not what this is. It’s Stephen King’s The Dark Tower, for crying out loud. And thus it’s a massive letdown for fans and non-fans alike.
At present, 16% on Rotten Tomatoes, with a 64% Audience Score. Not a good way to start off Roland’s last time round the wheel.